Bleach Shinchan
by Technomaru
Summary: In this retelling of "Bleach", What if instead of meeting Ichigo Kurosaki, Rukia ends up meeting a certain kid and giving her powers to him? And that kid is none other than 5 year old Shinnosuke "Shinchan" Nohara! Expect some rude humor and action!
1. Death and the Shinchan

**Bleach Shinchan**

By Technomaru

Chapter 1: Death and the Shinchan

Note: I DEFINATELY do not own "BLEACH" nor Crayon Shinchan. They are both shows on Adult Swim. I decided to go with the Funimation Dub.

**THIS FANFIC IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF**

**YOSHITO USUI**

**the creator of Crayon Shinchan**

**(1953-2009)**

**"To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis...**

**he has both..."**

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It was a dark and stormy night in Kasukabe, Japanese neighborhood in the Saitama ward. one can hear the clopping sounds of a pair of geta sandals in the night. A rather frightened night watchman then finds out what is making those sounds, he sees what appears to be a boy of five years, dressed like a school boy, wearing geta sandals and a yellow and black striped chanchanko vest. The boy has his bangs cover his left eye.

The Watchman goes up to the boy and asks him, "What are you doing around this time and what's with the crazy get up?" The boy just says, "I'm just walking to the local graveyard for I am "Poo poo poo no Shin-taro!" The watchmen then says, "Boys your age shouldn't be going out at this time of night, there are reports of people being torn apart by a invisible creature an HEY! Why are you dressed like Kitaro?..." But then the watchman notices a rather angry woman standing right behind the boy.

The boy looks behind him and sees it's his mother Mitzy Nohara. the boy shouts, "Yikes! A yokai" She just tugs the boy by the ear and says, "I thought I told you 10 times Shin, no imitating spooky anime characters at night!" The boy's name is Shinnosuke "Shin-chan" Nohara, 5 years old, kindergardener, and a very unusual boy...

**But something much more unusual happens that very night**

(Back at the Nohara house)

Shin was just sleeping, dreaming of being in a house of hot mamas... yet his mama wasn't among them and it just makes him smile. Shin then hears a strange sound outside his window and hides under his bed.

Then Shin couldn't believe what he is seeing. He sees what appears to be a girl aged 15 in a black swordsman uniform with a a strand of hair tucked neatly between her eyes looking around, The Girl then says to herself, "It's getting closer, I can feel it."

Shin then pops out of his bed in his Action Bastard costume and shouts, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Nice costume!" And this gives the girl a great shock. The girl then shivers and says, "You....you scared me... you can see me... But I can't be seen by humans, how can you see me?"

Shin-chan then stands there quietly and The girl says, "I asked you a question, how can a human like yourself be able to see me?" Shin then says, "Actually...I'm not a human, I'm the last surviving member of the Ghost Tribe... Kid-ding! My name is Shinnosuke Nohara, I like koala yummies, centerfolds and I hate bellpeppers, but most people refer to me as "Shinchan"... Wanna see my ass?"

The girl is shocked by his behavior and continues to ask, "Ok kid... how can you see me?" Shinchan then answers as he takes off his Action Bastard costume, "Well how can I not notice anything cute?" the girl then smiles at the comment but Shin quickly jumps at her chest and smiles but then he notices something "small" and then he says to her, "Your breasts are smaller than mommy's!"

The girl then knocks Shin off her and then she places a spell and shouts "Bakudo number 1!" Then Shin suddenly has his arms on his back and he falls to the ground. Shin then says, "Aaah! My arms cannot move! Just who are you?"

The girl then says to Shin, "You want to know? I'll tell you... My name is Rukia Kuchiki and I'm a Shinigami! I placed a immobility spell on you so you can keep your hands to yourself!" Shin then asks, "Cool! Are you here to give me a DEATH NOTE? I have a apple in the kitchen!" Rukia then says, "No I'm not those types of Shinigami... fine I'm a "soul reaper", I was sent by the Soul Society to hunt down the recently departed. Let me show you!"

Rukia then pulls out a sword as she swings her sword towards him and as Shin opens his eye, he sees the blade through a ghost's forehead that just appeared out of nowhere. Shin then says, "Oh no... the ghost of famed comic artist Yoshito Usui has been haunting my house. Yoshito's ghost then says, "Oh no... I don't want to leave my dwelling... please don't send me to..."Rukia then appears calm and says to the ghost, "Don't worry, You'll be sent to the Soul Society, you will find a peaceful rest for eternity. The ghost then breathes his last and vanishes into a bright light, leaving a butterfly flying away. Shin then asks Rukia, "What was that all about! What happened to him?"

Rukia then explains, "I sent him to the Soul Society which is my job, now I will explain to you in small words so you will understand it..."

Rukia pulls out sketches and gives Shin a explaination, "There are two types of spirits in this world... (picture of happy bunnies) the first kind are normal spirits or "wholes" these are the ones you are probably related to... (picture of mean looking bears) and the second kind are evil spirits called "hollows", they attack people living or dead in order to devour their souls...any questions before I continue?"

Shin then answers, "I like your art, can I draw a elephant to go with it?" Rukia is pretty happy that someone likes her art and replies, "I would but the spell is placed on you and... are you picking your nose?" Shin somehow breaks the spell and is picking his nose and then stratches his balls and extends his hand towards Rukia as he says, "Well it was nice meeting you Rukia."

Rukia is suprised and says, "No! I don't know how you broke that spell but I am not shaking hands with you! Also I wasn't finished, There are two main jobs for Soul Reapers... first, to lead "wholes" to Soul Society through a method I did. And second, exorcise the hollows wherever we find them!

Shin just farts and says, "Love is in the air!" Rukia then covers her nose. But then suddenly, the ground shakes as Rukia and Shin follow it's vibes, they see a giant monsterous creature burst through the wall and grab Hina as the creature says, "Her spiritual energy, it is very sweet! I must devour it!" Rukia then says, "Shin! It's a hollow and it wants to eat your sister!" Shin then shouts at the hollow "HEY MR. HOLLOW! LOOK AT MY ELEPHANT!" Shin then pulls his pants down and shows the hollow his penis.

The Hollow is just rather confused and Rukia is very disgusted and she asks Shin, "You think this accomplishes something? Showing your privates? Stand back! I'll fight him!"

Rukia then jumps towards the creature with her zanpakutō and fights the creature with it and the fight was fierce, Shin then lights a match and throws it at the hollow but with little success. But then the creature delivers a hard blow to Rukia, knocking her out. The hollow then sniffs around and he places Hina back in her crib and says as he looks at Shin, "No! I want you!" Then Shin is chased by the hollow. Whitey just barks at the Hollow from his dog house.

Shin runs by Yonro "the drop out" and Yonro comments, "This looks like something from a Tite Kubo manga, oh well time to get back home and "fap" to pictures of Dr. Girlfriend."

Shin is grabbed by Rukia who says to him, "Shin, I have no idea why that thing wants to devour you and your family but they are grave danger!"

Shin then says, "I want to destroy that bastard with my bastardness! Is there a way?' Rukia then says, "There is... I will temporarily lend you my powers...you must become a soul reaper yourself!" Shin is shocked by this and says, "Well I must do this if it means saving my family and myself, tell me what to do Rukia." Rukia then says, "grab my zanpakutō and my powers will flow into you!" Then in a flash, the power transfer was made!

Shinchan slices the Hollow's arm with a zanpakutō and is now wearing a black swordsman uniform. Rukia appears in a white version of her uniform and she is covered in blood, Rukia then asks, "How did this happen? I was meant to give him half of my powers but somehow he's nearly taken all of it!"

Shin then lifts up his large zanpakutō and slices the other arm and a leg off the creature and as he shouts, "THIS ENDS NOW!" and he slices the hollow in half, exorcising him in the process till it fades into nothingness.

Shin then says, "Wow... I did that? I'm a bigger bastard than Action Bastard now!" And he does a imitation of Action Bastard's laugh.

**Name: Shinnosuke "Shin-Chan" Nohara**

**Age: 5**

**Occupation: Kindergardener... SOUL REAPER!**

Rukia then says, "I don't like where this is going..." Shin then asks Rukia, "Now that I'm a Shinigami or soul reaper or whatever... can I use my DEATH NOTE to kill Alfred E. Kahn?"

Rukia then says, "Yep... this has got to be a fate worse than death!"

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Shinchan's baby sister Hina shows up in the preview of the next episode and says, "Goo Goo Ga Ga Whaaaaa Goo Goo! Shin then says, "Hina, how can you announce the next episode if you can't even talk? Oh well, next time I see more of Rukia and give Cosmo a DEATH NOTE" Rukia then tells Shin, "I thought I told you, we're not that type of Shinigami!"


	2. Starter

**Bleach Shinchan**

By Technomaru

Chapter 2: Starter

Note: I DEFINATELY do not own "BLEACH" nor Crayon Shinchan. They are both shows on Adult Swim. I decided to go with the Funimation dub.

once again...

**THIS FANFIC IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF**

**YOSHITO USUI**

**the creator of Crayon Shinchan**

**(1953-2009)**

**"To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis...**

**he has both..."**

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After Shin destroys the hollow, he sees the zombified corpses of his parents, Hima, and Whitey walk up to Shin. Hiro (dad) says to him, "Son... you were supposed to protect us! You're a soul reaper!" Mitzi (mom) then says to him, "You let the hollow kill us... I shall spank you 10 times and give you bell peppers for dinner!"

Shin then sees Rukia behind him who has sharp teeth and says to him, "Sorry, it was too late!"

Then all of a sudden...

It was all a dream!

Shin wakes up to her mom shouting, "Shin! Eat breakfast, go poop, wipe your ass, and get ready for school NOW!"

As Shin is on Mitzi's bike, Shin asks, "Umm were you attacked by a strange masked monster last night?" Mitzi then replies, "What are you talking about Shin? The only monster I last recall being attacked by was a tentacle monster but I shouldn't get into much details."

Shin was confused as no one seemed to remember, not even Hiro can remember it, and Hima and Whitey were unable to help since neither of them can talk.

**(Super Happy Fun Time American School)**

Shin is writing on the chalkboard which reads "I'm worse than Bart Simpson" 10 times. Ms. Anderson asks Shin, "Umm why are you writing that on the chalkboard?" Shin then says, "Bored."

Ms. Anderson then says to the students. "Hello students, today we're having a new teacher with us today

(Masao: Please say it's a guy... umm I mean Please say it's Ai...)

Anyway she is a bit young for her age but when she played with her magic lighter, we couldn't say no... so here's Miss Rukia Kuchiki." Rukia just says as she puts down her manga "Princess Knight", "Golly what a neat kindergarden class!" Miss Anderson thinks to herself, "Weird, she is reading a manga from 1953 and talks like she's from 1953 too!"

Shin recognizes the girl and says, "Hey I saw you last night... you were the babe of my dreams!" Rukia is a bit suprised he said that and Ms. Anderson just tells her, "Oh don't worry, he always says that to any girl he likes." Rukia then says, "No problem... oh Shin, I believe your hands are very dirty, what with all the ball stratching."

Shin then sees writing on her hand and it reads "MAKE A SCENE AND YOU'RE DEAD"

Shin then draws on his hand and shows it to Rukia, it reads gibberish. Rukia then asks Shin, "Umm what does that writing mean little boy?" Shin then says, "Oh it means I want to meet you outside... for a date." Rukia then just smiles as she sweatdrops.

Boo just plays with his best friend... his pet rock "Phillip".

**(After school)**

Rukia is holding Shin's hand and she says, "Jeepers, what's a little boy like you leading to?" Shin then says, "Geez, And mommy says I talk weird... so what are you mating whore? Are you back in the Soul Society?" Rukia looks angry and replies, "You must mean "what are you waiting for"? Also only soul reapers go to Soul Society... right now I'm not able to return there!"

Shin blushes and says, "Oooh! You decided to stay just to be with me!" Rukia pounds Shin on the head and says, "No! And further more stop flirting with me! I have lived 10 of your lifespans so I'm just as old as dirt and Goldie Hawn, I have no idea why you act like this!"

Rukia continues, "Anyway I lost my soul reaper powers because I accidentally game them all to you, and now that I have any abilities left, I'm forced to be in this gigai."

Shin replies, "You're inside a gigolo? That's gross lady!" Rukia then says, "No... I'm in a gigai, it's a artificial body that soul reapers enter when they wait for their powers to recover. Hollows target weaken soul reapers so we pose as humans for a while."

Shin then looks at her and says, "No wonder why humans can see you... but why are you following me? Unless... you want to be my lover." Rukia hits his head and tells him, "Look, it's pretty much your fault I'm stuck in this world so... until I get my powers back... you will take my place as soul reaper!"

Shin then says, "I don't know... those hollows made me "shart" in my pants." Rukia then asks, "Shart"? What's a "shart"?" Shin replies, "It means when I saw that creature I tried to fart but I shi..." Rukia then says, "Oh geez! TMI! Well I guess I'm going to have to do the unthinkable to convince you to continue fighting hollows."

Rukia picks up Shin and she hugs him and kisses his lips. Shin then charges up to 1000% and shouts, "WOW! Hey Lady! I'd fight a ton of monsters, even if you were caught up in a Soul Society conspiracy plot and I'd have to rescue you from being executed."

Rukia then replies, "Yeah, whatever."

But then Ai Suotome is walking down the street with Mr. K. Ai sees Rukia kissng Shin and this causes Ai to angerly shout, "WHAT THE HELL! SHIN IS MY MAN! YOU GET AWAY FROM HIM YOU PEDOPHILE!" Rukia then asks Shin, "You know her?" Shin just replies, "Oh she is this crazy bitch in my school who has a crush on me but by sheer irony I don't find women my age to be attractive." Rukia then says, "If I help you out of this one... will you promise not to touch my boobs and breasts?" Shin then says, "Ok... but I still get to show the hollows my "Mr. Elephant"!" Rukia then frowns and then pulls out a lighter and flashes it in front of Ai and Mr. K."

Rukia then tells them, "You were walking down the street but then... Hair Hunters from the future arrived and you managed to escape with the very hairs on your head." Ai and Mr. K were confused but they just walked away. Shin then puts two and two together and says, "Hey so that's how you were able to be hired by the school, you showed them the lighter and they were tricked to hire you." Rukia then smiles and says, "Boy you caught on quick... So now we begin your training." Rukia puts on a fingerless glove with a soul reaper symbol on it.

Before she is about to hit Shin on the head with it. Rukia gets interrupted by the arrival of Penny, Masao, and Boo. Penny then asks Shin, "Shin why are you and Miss Kuchiki in the back of the school? Rukia just answers quickly, "Shin was just showing me around since I'm new here but the one thing he keeps showing me is the kennel next door because the dogs kept "having fun"." Penny then says, "Ummm Miss Kuchiki can you walks us home?" Rukia then smiles and says, "Well ok... I mean it is my job as your new teacher."

Boo keeps looking at his rock and Rukia asks him, "What's wrong... do you need a tissue for your nose?" Boo replies, "No it's my rock Phillip... I think he's dying." Rukia just gives him a weird look. Penny then says, "Miss Kuchiki you can have my extra juice box, thanks for taking us home!

So after walking Boo, Penny, and Masao to their homes. Rukia continues to work the juice box and Shin then says, "No no you have to do it like this!" So Shin sticks the straw in the juice box... and starts drinking it until it is empty. Rukia then pounds Shin and says, "You moron! Why did you do that!" Shin replies, "It was a bad habit... I'm only 5 lady!"

Rukia then says, "If you didn't have my powers I'd..." Shin then asks, "Hey Rukia... do you have a place to stay?" Rukia then appears to be sad and replies, "No I don't..."

Shin thought hard and he says to Rukia, "I know, how about you can stay at my place, I can just sneak you in and you would live in my closet... it's the best I can do since this was all my fault." Rukia has sparkles in her eyes and says, 'Really? You would do that?" Shin smirks and says, "Of course... Honor is one the two things I have that makes me a man!"

Rukia then asks, "Then what's the other thing?" Shin then says, "Join me in "The trust dance of the manly brotherhood of the men"... TO BE A MAN YOU MUST HONOR.. HONOR AND A PENIS!"

Rukia then sweatdrops says, "ACK! I don't care if you decide to take me in and take care of me in the name of honor but there is no absolute way that I will not dance to that song with you!" Shin replies, "But I'm also keeping my word about fighting hollows in Kasukabe until you are all better.... plus you get to say "penis"." Rukia then breathes out and says, "Well ok... at least I know you won't go against your word...." So Shin and Rukia both sing:

"TO BE A MAN YOU MUST HONOR.. HONOR AND A PENIS!"

Rukia then says as she sweatdrops some more, "Ok we now did a tribute to your perverted nature now how are we going to go inside your house without your family noticing me?" Shin then gets a idea and says, "I think I have a idea..."

**(Nohara residence)**

Shinchan just runs around naked in the house shouting "Help! I've escaped from Kevin Spacey's basement! Help me!" while Rukia just sneaks into Shin's room through the window. As she hears Mitzi slapping Shin's ass for that obscure joke, she ends up hiding in a laundry hamper in the bathroom. Shin shows up to wash his ass and he says to Rukia, "I'm glad that worked but you shouldn't be hiding in there, that's where my daddy puts his socks in as well as my undies." Rukia gags and says, "I think this place is worse than Hueco Mundo... now I know how it feels to be the Grim Reaper in that one fanfic where he is the friends with those four kids named "Ed"... SHIN DO YOU EVEN WIPE?"

Shin replies, "The coast is clear, I'll go to mommy's room and get you some clothes... you stink, take a bath!" Rukia shouts, "I WOULDN'T SMELL LIKE DIRTY LAUNDRY IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU!" Mitzi then yells out, "SHIN YOU BETTER KEEP IT DOWN IF YOU VALUE YOUR ASS! I'm going to bed." Rukia covers his mouth as Shin tells her, "I'll give you some pajamas and get more of mommy's wardrobe, just take a bath!"

After Rukia quietly bathed just to wash that odor off her. She shows up wearing Shin's pajamas who barely fit. Rukia asks Shin, "Is this the best you can do? It barely covers myself up!" Shin just tosses her one of Mitzi's Pajamas and to her suprise they actually fit her.

Shin was about to sleep but then he tells her, "Oh I got the closet ready for you and I left you some snacks in the closet." Rukia then sees three pieces of snacks and eats them asking, "Hey these are a bit stale... what is that?" Shin then replies, "Oh that's some of Whitey's food." Rukia gags and she says to him, "Shin if I ever get my soul reaper powers back I'll... huh?" Then she sees a juice box that is opened just for her and to her suprise it was full. Rukia then smiles. She drinks it and says, "You know Shin, I can be wrong about you, you do have heart but it's not in the right place... I hope you know what you're up against..."

**(Milfer Residence)**

Penny is beating up Happiness Bunny because even if her dad died she and her mom still don't get the inheiritance from him. However Penny sees a long black claw strike out of Happiness Bunny and grabs her...

**NEXT TIME:** **Penny is being attacked by a Hollow... it's up to Shin to kick his ass... but who exactly is that hollow anyway? And will Rukia learn to like Shin despite his tendancies to show off his butt and gross sense of humor?**


	3. Shin battles a Hollow with his elephant

**Bleach Shinchan**

By Technomaru

Chapter 3: Shin battles a Hollow with his elephant

Note: I DEFINATELY do not own "BLEACH" nor Crayon Shinchan. They are both shows on Adult Swim. I decided to go with the Funimation dub.

yet again...

**THIS FANFIC IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF**

**YOSHITO USUI**

**the creator of Crayon Shinchan**

**(1953-2009)**

**"To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis...**

**he has both..."**

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Penny wakes up after being attacked by a creature that came out of her Happiness Bunny. She notices a chain attached from her chest and to... her corporial body. Then she sees a Hollow that resembles a giant bunny. The Hollow then says to Penny, "Hello Penny... DADDY'S HOME! And I'm going to stick my tentacle where the sun never shines... AHAHAHAHA!!!

Penny then looks at it's eyes and screams.

**(Nohara Residence)**

Shinchan was just sleeping and dreaming of being in a hot tub with Rukia... and Nanako, and Victoria Silvestat. Victoria then says to Shin, "You are so cute... I mean at least you're dreaming about me this time and not that jawbreaker obsessed kid who hangs out with the other three kids named "Ed"."

Shin wakes up and sees Rukia wearing her fingerless glove with a soul reaper symbol on it. She punches Shin in the head and it causes him to leave his body while wearing a Soul Reaper uniform. Shin then says, "Hey I was dreaming of being in a hot tub with hotties!"

Rukia has a angry mark on her forehead and says, "We got more important manners in our hands. A Hollow has been spotted and it appears to be in Penny's house!" Shin then shouts, "Oh no! I sense danger!" Shin runs out the house and to Rukia's suprise he sees Shin peeing on a streetlamp saying, "I need to drain Mr. Elephant." Rukia just hits Shin on the head and says, "No you idiot, we need to fight that hollow!"

Shin and Rukia then run towards where the hollow signal is located. Shin then asks Rukia, "Yo Rukia... got change for a dollar? I'm thirsty" Then Rukia then says, Here's some yen to get you a can of soda (hits Shinchan) YOU IDIOT! NO MORE DISTRACTIONS!"

Shin and Rukia made it to the Milfer house and they see Penny's spirit attached to her body by a chain of fate. Rukia then says to Shin, "Oh and one thing I forgot to mention Shin... Hollows are really the corrupted spirits of humans who have died and either let their emotions corrupt them or if the chain of fate erodes into a hole. Shin then says, "So pretty much if Kim Soto from across the street died, then she's be a hollow? Rukia then says, "I see you're getting the hang of it, now kick that monster's ass... SHIN!"

Shin is showing the hollow his penis while dancing around. The creature is horribly confused and then Rukia hits Shin on the head and says while writing on a notebook, "Shin and Rukia's rules number 1. Don't show your "Mr. Elephant" to a hollow!" Penny then asks the two, "Look, I don't know who you two are but are you going to save me from this hollow who appears to be a cross between happiness bunny and my departed abusive father?"

Shin then has a fierce gleam in his eye and goes after the hollow. Rukia then shouts, "Oh no... SHIN! WAIT! I DIDN'T GIVE YOU PROPER TRAINING TO FIGHT THAT BASTARD!" Shin then pulls down his pants and rubs his butt against the creature's face. While Penny watches the disgusting sight, Rukia goes up to her and says, "Good, the chain of fate in unharmed, you'll be able to be brought back to life soon enough." Penny then says to Rukia, "Please do! My "Hollow-daddy" said that after he kills Shin he's going to stuff his tentacle on my "danger-zone". So she uses her very little powers to heal her and be able to put Penny's soul back in her body as she watches Shin battle the hollow.

After Shin stops rubbing his booty on the creature land on the ground and summons his Zanpakto. It is a large and intimidating Western-Style curved sword, held in one hand and carried by Shin slung over his back with the handle over his right shoulder. There are two tusks on the hilt, which is shaped like two circles side-by-side (giving it a number 8 shape), with the main blade set between them, and one tusk is set on top of one circle, and a short tail on the pommel. Apparently long story short it looks like a Elephant.

Shin then shouts at the hollow, "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND... MR. ELEPHANT!" Rukia is shocked and says, "His zanpakto looks like a elephant... and he names it after his penis?" Shin then dashes towards the hollow while dodging it's attacks. Soon with a big leap, he slices the Hollow's head in half and he vanishes into nothingness.

Rukia then says, "That's amazing Shin, how did you learn to fight hollows?" Shin replies, "Oh I played with my Wii-Wii" Rukia looks at him and Shin replies, "Oh ok I played the new "Action Bastard" game on the Wii." Rukia then says, "I spent many years training to fight hollows, and it took you one month playing a videogame to fight a hollow? What's this world coming to? What's next? Cartoon Network starts showing live-action programing?"

So Shin and Rukia leave Penny's house but not before they fix it up as if the hollow never showed up.

**(The next morning at the Super Happy Fun Time American School)**

Rukia is looking over Shin's homework and Penny sees the two and she says to them, "Hi guys, I had the weirdest dream and you were in it, and you too Rukia, and so was the tentacle monster from that one japanese animated movie that was for adults. Shin then says, "Oh yeah Penny well I had the weirdest dream too and I'll tell you what it was in the form of a Family Guy-esq cutaway gag.

**(Cutaway begins)**

Shin was walking the streets at night dressed in black and white striped pajamas, but then he sees a strange building that looks like something from a funhouse except it's colored black and white and the entrance is decorated with a hollow mask and the mouth is opened revealing the doors. A neon sign flashes and it reads "_**Hueco Mundo Room**_" and on the top of the building he sees what appear to be Arrancar Prostitutes who just call out "Shinchan! Come out and play!" Shin then says, "Oh yeah! Here I come baby!" Only for Rukia to appear with a firehouse and blast Shin from it. Rukia tells him, "Sorry Shin but this dream is so not right and Arrancars aren't supposed to appear until later in the story... yes I can enter your dreams and shame on you!"

**(Cutaway ends)**

Shin then continues, "And when I woke up I wet myself!" Penny then says in a disgusted way, "Well thanks for sharing that Shin... I don't think anyone remembered that scene in "Beetlejuice" anyway. Shin notices Rukia is having a hard time trying to open a carton of milk. So Shin opens it for her... and gives it to her. Rukia then says, "Wow Shin, looks like my training is making you such a good boy... you didn't drink the whole thing like you usually do. Shin then says, "No I have a better way to get back at you for ruining my dreams twice in a row." Rukia wonders what he meant by that.

**(Later that night)**

Rukia wakes up in the middle of the night in Shin's closet. She heard something in there and when she opens it she sees sees someone dressed like a school boy, wearing geta sandals and a yellow and black striped chanchanko vest. The boy has his bangs cover his left eye. Rukia notices he looks very familiar and she starts screaming in fear. The boy turns out to be Shin who is just dressed like Kitaro and after he makes a creepy cackle he just sings, "Poo...Poo... Poo poo poo poo poo!" Rukia then says, "Hey wait are you trying to be a parody of "Hakaba Kitaro" or "Ge Ge Ge no Kitaro"?" Shin then says, "I wanted to scare you by being dressed like Hakaba Kitaro because you told me you once had a nightmare that you gave your powers to him... did he fight monsters?" Rukia replies, "Either way you shouldn't bring up my nightmares like that... fine I'll let you dream about Alyson Hannigan or whatever floats your boat, but please no more references to Hakaba Kitaro ok?" Shin then asks, "What about Ge Ge Ge no Kitaro?" Rukia then says, "That's ok then, at least he's cute and fights monsters. Well goodnight Shin. This will be the first weekend I spend in this crazy world.

**NEXT TIME:** Rukia makes the mistake of leaving her gigai and snacking on the Nohara Family's food... now the family thinks the house is haunted! Will Shin save Rukia from this mess or is he going to scratch his balls while this happens? Find out next time!

**OMAKE TIME:** A SHITTY PARODY OF DEATH NOTE!

One night, Georgie is sleeping but he wakes up and to his horror he sees what appears to be Shinchan but with white skin, fangs, brown eyes, and wears a strange black bodysuit with leather wings attached to his back. Georgie asks, "What is this? What the hell are you?" Shin then replies, "Yo! I'm a Shin-igami and since you've been a good boy this year I want to give you this!" And the "Shin-igami" gives Georgie a brown colored notebook and flies away as he tells Georgie, "Be sure to follow the rules of the notebook, one of them is if it ends up in your world... it's yours!" The "Shin-igami" just lets out a fart and flies away. Georgie then shouts at him, "And why do you act like Santa Claus?"

Georgie then thinks to himself, "If I didn't know any better, I think this is the notebook that Shinigami use to kill whoever they write their names on it. Maybe I can try something..." Then Georgie writes the name _**"Osama Bin Ladin"**_ on the notebook and since he is a republican despite being a Japanese Kindergardener... he writes down _**"Barack Obama"**_ on the notebook.

**(40 seconds later)**

Georgie decides to watch Fox News as opposed to Fox Network. Then it shows a news report that Osama Bin Ladin is FINALLY caught. He was caught taking a massive dump in the bushes and since he was busy pooping he was unable to run away and is caught.

In another news report, Barack Obama was going to have a speech on Healthcare Reform, but all of a sudden... He runs around shouting, "RESTROOM! WHERE'S THE RESTROOM! I GOTTA TAKE A DUMP THAT WOULD CHOKE A MONKEY!" So Obama runs to the local restroom while the interviewers follow him in pursuit.

Georgie is shocked beyond description and he says to himself in horror. "I...I...I don't get it... this notebook is supposed to kill them but it makes them crap themselves... WHAT KIND OF NOTEBOOK IS THIS?

Georgie looks at the notebook and to his horror it reads **"BROWNNOTE"** Georgie then says, "Of course! I need to check the rules on this notebook:

_The human whose name is written in this note will take a dump._

_The note will not take effect unless the writer has the persons face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore people sharing the same name will not be effected._

_If the type of poop is written within 40 seconds of writing the persons name it will happen _

_If the type of poop is not specified the person will simply just take a dump._

_After Writing the type of poop, details of the poop should be written n the next six minutes and 40 seconds._

_This note shall become property of the human world once it touches the ground of(arrives in) the human world._

_The note will never run out of pages... and it can be very conviently used as toilet paper._

Georgie then tests it out by writing four names down and watching the news he hears that Al Gore has "the green apple splatters", Michael Dukakis has "Mud butt", Hillary Clinton just craps herself during a huge speech, and Joe Biden has crapped blood and is about to use "Chipotl-away".

Georgie then thinks to himself, "Despite having the power to make Democrats crap themselves and cure constipation, I shall not lower myself to Shin's level and continue using this cursed notebook... except for when I need toilet paper.

**(a year later)**

Georgie wakes up in the middle of the night and sees the "Shin-igami" reappear and Shin tells him, "Yo! You've been a good boy this year and I want you to have this... "The Yellow Pages", it works like the "Brown Note" but in another way." Georgie then says, "Oh F()k me!"

**THE END!**


	4. Paranormal Activity

**Bleach Shinchan**

By Technomaru

Chapter 4: HOLY S**T OUR HOUSE IS HAUNTED!

Note: I DEFINATELY do not own "BLEACH" nor Crayon Shinchan. They are both shows on Adult Swim. I decided to go with the Funimation dub.

one more time...

**THIS FANFIC IS DEDICATED TO THE MEMORY OF**

**YOSHITO USUI**

**the creator of Crayon Shinchan**

**(1953-2009)**

**"To be a man you must have honor, honor and a penis...**

**he has both..."**

* * *

**(Saturday)**

Shin wakes up from bed and says, "Carpet Denim! (Carpe diem, which is latin for "Seize the Day") No school today! Time to go outsite and look at the hotties!" Shin is about to walk out of the room until he hears Rukia say, "Hey Shin! Before you go out there screwing around, can you at least get me something to eat... and please don't feed me any more of Whitey's food!"

Shinchan then says, "Who do you think I am lady? The Pizza-man?" Rukia then pounds Shin and then tells him, "Just get me something to eat please... oh and can you help me find some clothes? I mean the last thing I have on me is one of your sister's "onesies"." Sure enough Rukia is wearing a barely fitting baby "onesie" that reads, "Naughty Lil' Girl". Shin drools and says, "Oh you're a naughty girl all right hee hee."

Rukia throws a stuffed Fred Fredburger at Shin as he runs off doing his usual thing.

**(A hour later)**

Rukia's stomach grumbles and she thinks to herself, "Darn that Shin! Being a bizarre 5-year old pervert is one thing but he forgets my request it's another and I'm so hungry... This might be risky but dammit I need food!" So Rukia's spirit slips out of her gigai as she floats down to the Nohara kitchen. Rukia then opens the fridge and finds some yakitori and sushi. She starts eating them and then she sees a can of what she thinks it's juice.

Rukia picks up the can and reads it, saying, "Hmmm.... "It's just like juice!" What a funny name for a drink... oh well.... down the hatch!" And with that, Rukia downs it.... and Mitzi shows up and to her horror she sees a invisible being drinking Hiro's alcoholic drink. Rukia failed to realize that "It's just like juice!" contains 15 percent alcohol.

Rukia then blushes and thinks to herself, "Hic! That drink shure tashted funny, I think I shall make shcary sounds.... OOOOOOOOHHHHHH! I AM A GHOSHT! OOOHHH!"

Mitzi drops her laundry and screams, "HOLY ASSCRACKERS! OUR HOUSE IS HAUNTED! HELP! GET THE GHOSTBUSTERS, GET GHOST SWEEPER MIKAMI, GET THE HOLY STUDENT COUNCIL, GET YOH ASUKURA GET KITARO, (picks up Hima and runs) GET THAT MIDGET FROM "POLTERGEIST"!"

**(Another hour later)**

Mitzi realizes that the "ghost fighters" she listed are just fictional characters... except for the ghostbusters and "that midget from Poltergeist". The house is surrounded in police tape and "spirit wards" and strange sounds keep coming from out of there. Suddenly, something flies out of the roof of the Nohara house and it screams in a high pitched voice as it flies to the sky, "HEAD TOWARD THE LIIIIGHT!" Mitzi and Hima then sees a Japanese Ghostbuster leave the house and he tells her, "Who you gonna call?.... Call someone else!" Mitzi then shouts, "Fine with me! I should've hired the New York Ghostbusters... or the other Ghostbusters with the flying car and the gorilla."

Shin comes back with a bag and sees what's going on and asks Mitzi, "Yo Mom! What happened in here? Did Travis the Chimpanzee have his revenge beyond the grave!" Mitzi pounds Shin and says to him, "Now's not the time to be making bad taste jokes about current events, our house is haunted and I have no idea where your father is!"

Hiro shows up drunk and he opens the door to his house, loud screaming is heard and Hiro runs towards Mitzi and says, "Oh...umm... hi Mitzi.... did you know our house is haunted?" Mitzi then frowns and says, "Well no s**t Sherlock and is that beer I smell... did you go drinking with your work buddies again?" Hiro then says, "Ummm.... yeah.... but I got a promotion out of it!" Mitzi cries tears of joy and says, "Oh Hiro! I knew one of these days your days of booze-guzzling would finally pay off... come here you big lug!" Soon Mitzi tells Shin, "Here Shin, hold your baby sister!" And the two start hugging and kissing... this bought Shin enough time to run into the house.

Shin then places Hima on the couch and says, "Looks like a hollow is here! I better "Bleach-out" and fight it!" Then Shin puts on Rukia's glove and punches himself in the head, ejecting his spirit out of his body so he can be a Soul Reaper. Then Shin pulls out his pants and shows Rukia his "little elephant" and she looks confused.

Rukia then says as she puts on a white sheet and a white mask, "Hey, what a fun game... I'll be a hollow and you be the soul reaper... let's wrassle!" Then Rukia starts throwing food at Shin as he dodges it and ends up grabbing Rukia as she shakes around and Shin pulls off the sheet and sees Rukia running around in a white robe and mask. Rukia then performs "the ass dance". Shin looks at her and says, "Hey she looks familiar... I know those boobs anywhere! And you smell like dad after a night at the "Moulin Rouge"."

Shin then fills out a bucket of water and throws it at Rukia. Rukia then screams and yells out, "AAAAhhhhh... I'm melting! Melting! oh what a worl... Hey Where am I? And who's the kid hugging me?" Shin then sees Hima hugging Rukia and says, "Wow, not only were you "fit-shaced" but Hima can see you!" Rukia replies, "Oh no I just remembered something... I left my Gigai just for food and I accidentally drank this funny drink."

Shin looks at the can and says to Rukia, "I know that drink... it made me clean my room and be polite to mommy when I drank it!" Rukia rolls her eyes and tells Shin, "You know, your parents will eventually know about me and I can't hide in your closet like some kind of Evil Monkey... so how can I get out of this one?"

Shin then thinks and comes up with a idea that would convince Hiro and Mitzi that the "ghost" is gone and how to keep Rukia in the house. Suddenly Whitey shows up begging Shin for some treats as Shin returns to his normal self.

**(15 minutes later)**

Hiro and Mitzi then realize Shin and Hima isn't there but then they see Shin in his Action Bastard costume, Hima, and Whitey "attacking" a white cloaked apparition and Shin then says, "Hey you ectoplasmic scum, if you come back and haunt us we're going to kick your ass!' Hima just runs with a toy gun in her mouth and Whitey just barks at it.

Mitzi then says, "I can't believe it, Shin actually kicked the ghost's ass." Shin then goes up to Mitzi and says, "This house is clean..." While Rukia, dressed in a nice yellow dress and brown boots walks behind him. Mitzi then says, "Umm do we know you?" Shin then says, "Mommy, you know how you said you need extra help around the house and you would pay very little for it?" Mitzi then asks Shin, "Why are you asking me this... and I'm not hiring a gooback for the job!" Hiro replies, "Shin you know we can't trust goobacks,one day they're going to take my job!" a random drunken salaryman walks by shouting, "TAY TURK MAH JERB!" And a rooster just crows.

Rukia then shakes Mitzi's hand and introduces herself as she curtsies, "Hello Mrs. Nohara, My name is Rukia Kuchiki and I am Shin's new teacher at the school, anyway if it isn't much trouble but I just moved here from Kyushutu and I have nowhere to go and nothing to eat so anyway can I stay with you as your housemaid and nanny since I heard how busy you parents must be."

Mitzi thinks and says, "Well as long as you request food and board for your services that would be fine... plus I can't say no to you since you're homeless and you came from Kyushutu... I'm from Kyushutu myself!" Hiro then says, "Well looks like we got ourselves a maid, plus if she is a kindergarden teacher then that means she is good with kids... and would encourage Shin to do his homework instead of scratching his balls and watching "Action Bastard"

**(Nighttime at the Nohara house)**

Rukia feeds Hima strained carrots while the family has dinner. Rukia then ends up eating cucumbers and eggs much to her delight. Mitzi then says to Rukia, "Ok we set up your futon in Shin's room, that way you can keep a watchful eye on him, plus the baby monitor will let you know if Hima is needed. Rukia then smiles and says, "Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Nohara for your hospitality, your son is a great student.... now if only he could stop showing off his "pet elephant".

After dinner Rukia looks at the TV and she asks Shin, "Umm what is this thing?" Shin replies, "Oh that's a Television, it lets you see cool stuff and tv shows like the ones on Adult Swim, it's pretty awesome!"

Rukia then turns on the TV and it plays a commercial:

The commercial begins with a relaxing scene of a white car driving down a grassy hillside to soothing music. When the car passes behind a large tree, the camera follows. The camera then pans off the tree, but the car is gone. A zombie with a frightening scream then suddenly pops into the scene, scaring the viewer. Then it shows the slogan: "So wach warst du noch nie." (translated "You've never been so awake") and, after a bit, shows the product it advertized, the K-FEE Coffee Turbo Drink.

Rukia was so scared she lets out a fart and blushes. "Shin then says, "I wish they didn't import that German drink, that commercial was so scary that it made you frightened enough to let out some ass gas." Rukia replies, "Shut up Shin! Girls can fart too!" Shin then says, "But why does it smell so rotten?" Rukia then says, "It must've been the eggs, it makes me like this but mostly when frightened."

Shin then says, "Umm Rukia, I got you the eggs and Cucumbers because I knew you'd like them and I'm sorry for feeding you Whitey's food." Rukia smiles and says, "You might be a little stinker but you're so sweet, how about tomorrow we resume your training, until my powers return you're going to have to fight the hollows." Shin then said, "Umm Rukia did you fart again? Rukia then playfully replies, "Maybe..." Shin then says, "Look like I got a taste of my own medicine!

**NEXT TIME:** Rukia's first day as Shin and Hima's nanny... umm why is Boo talking to a Parakeet? Shouldn't be looking for a new "Phillip"?


End file.
